Questions

Why do I feel thus? Am I restless? How long am I going to keep grumbling? How will I ever convince myself that I’ll regret about it in the future, if I don’t stop feeling now? When will I get the guts to spurt it out? If at all I get, will that make a difference? When will I ask? How will I ask? Why should I ask, when I know the answer? I can surely keep from asking, but will that solve the problem?

What should I do? Can I divert myself by calling it an unimportant thought for the time-being? Then what’s the permanent solution? If getting rid of, is the only solution, is it possible? If not, why do I care about it? Don’t I realize that it’s silly to ask for the solution when I know it? Or, is the question now, will I be able to accept the solution? If I won’t be, do I have a choice?

Can I ever forgive? Or at least forget? Isn’t forgetting impossible? When will peace be restored? How many more sleepless nights should I have to contribute to this trouble? How long will I take to come out of it? Do I really want to come out at all? Will I feel normal, if not good, when I come out of it? How can i take it easy?

Does time know that mine is an exception to the general rule that it can heal everything? Do you think I’m exaggerating? Will you trust me if I say no? Why should I explain to you? If these form just a part of the long list of questions that I have in mind, can you believe it? Even if you do, Can u understand? Can anyone say something other than “chuck it”? am I kidding myself?

Can everyone understand that I’m not cribbing about some love-failure? If not, may I ask, Can love fail?

When will I realize I have a life to live? What is life without living? Still, what is life without an answer to these questions?

Sigh.

3 mantras

விட்டுப் பிடி
விட்டுக் கொடு
விட்டு ஒழி

Lost

How should life be? normal. Twists and turns occasionally, surprises and shocks at times.acceptable. But why should these be the order of the day? Heaving a sigh of relief seems to be of the past.Perception differs. We differ from each other. That is one reason why we don't agree to disagree and leave things at that.

You can't hurry up throughout the present. You will end up stopping at a point breathlessly,turn around to see,that you have missed lots. What's the point in being close,or being distant,or the very essence "being" when you are not satisfied,leave alone being happy? And still, would you call it a life?

Trust me,a day will dawn when you will wake up to find life is no longer the same you thought it will be.How long will you take to realise, that some day I will leave you once and forever, and there will be no use repenting for the time lost? Apologising has meaning only when you believe in it. Sorry,u say. Sorry, i say. but how much sorry are we, for anything?

Little Sindhuja is all growing up. I think, I feel, I realise,I learn, I live..or at least, want to.

மாற்றம்

மகிழ்ந்திருந்தேன்
சிரித்திருந்தேன் ..

சிறு விஷயத்திற்கும்
அதிசயித்து
"அட ! அப்படியா?" என்றது
பெரிய செய்திக்கும்
அக்கறையின்றி
"ஓ...அப்படியா.. " என்றும் ,

யாருக்கு அன்பு அதிகம் என்ற போட்டி
யாருக்கு வெறுப்பு அதிகம் என்றும்,

பிரிவுத் துயரம் நீங்கி
சேர்தலே துயர் என்றும்

அன்று என்னிடம் உனக்குப் பிடித்தவை
இன்று என்னிடம் நீ வெறுப்பவையாய்,

நம்மிடம் நமக்குப் பிடித்தவை மறைந்து
"நாம்" என்பதே கேள்விக்குறியாய்,

... மாறுவதற்கு
இடைப்பட்ட காலத்தில் ...

மகிழ்ந்திருந்தேன் !
சிரித்திருந்தேன் !

கண்களால் !

நீ பார்த்ததில்
பசியாகிறேன்
உன் சிரிப்பில்
பசியாறினேன்
நீ பார்க்க நான் சிரிக்க
உணவாகிறேன்,
பசியாறினாயா?