Open Marriages

In this weird world of people getting into different kinds of relationships, the concept of open marriage got me into some thinking. An open marriage is the one in which the partners willingly agree to each others’ extra marital sexual relationships without blaming it as deception or dishonesty. It is not regarded as a gratuitous act and is seen as a freedom of thought, action and a comfortable way of acknowledging each others’ desires and need.

An open marriage includes acceptance of flirtation, date, and by extension, involvement in a sexual relationship with others by the partner. It applies equally to both the partners. It is a way of saying “We are a couple. I love you. I want to spend my life with you. But I don’t want to miss out the chances of being in love/infatuation/mere lust with someone else, just because we are committed for a life time. I would like to explore my avenues in those regards. It is mutual and I don’t mind you getting into this thought too. Let’s free ourselves from the compelling clutches of this marriage institution and lead our lives the way we want”

It is natural that we all get awestruck and marvel at some people’s beauty or intelligence or skills or some quality at some point of time. If it stops with mere admiration, regards or respect, well and good. Sometimes it doesn’t .Considering that one such person(of the opposite gender) is acquainted to you through your friends, or work-circle, or any other means and if you get to be with that person intermittently or otherwise for a period of time, and you get attracted to that person in some way or the other, you tend to get closer to that person or at least will want to. Here comes the concept-an open marriage-allows you to follow your heart and doesn’t question your fidelity if you want to get into an extra-marital relationship with that person. It goes on well as long as you feel comfortable. It comes with no strings attached and you can move on without any commitment once you are out of the craziness. But now, do you even see a point in this?

Practically, love survives on justified possessiveness and that makes love what it is. Even if the couple agree to an open marriage, It is so natural that after a period of time, the concept loses it’s initial hype and there stems out jealousy, envy, possessiveness, resentment, anger, grudge and in turn hatred. Especially if one in the pair is affected by these, and the other doesn't mind/realize, it leads to a disaster. Your spouse will surely demand undivided attention, continuous love, full-fledged intimacy, all that you initially gave and promised to give him/her for a lifetime. Failing to give which, your marriage can become grueling.

Though it may have worked with some couples, say 1% of the lot, it gradually loses its sheen and fades away in due course of time and shatters the relationship into pieces in most of the cases. I don’t speak entirely based on statistics and random surveys alone, but personally, I am against this notion. I, for one, have always regarded individual freedom and space as a necessity in any relationship. A marriage should be the start or a continuation of love, as the case may be, and not be thrust upon an individual. Once you love someone and after all the matured thoughts, decide to marry that person, you apparently take your relationship to the next level physically and emotionally. It means you decide to spend the rest of your life with that person for the simple reason that you feel you can never be attached so much to anyone else, you feel you can never love/be loved by someone this much, you need this person for happiness in your life which, you feel, can never be given by anyone else. How can you even think of ruining this beautiful bond that exists between both of you due to some temporary flings or sensual pleasures?

It is a special feeling to be loved selflessly and unconditionally by someone. And when we feel the same towards that someone, it becomes a bond purely based on trust, hope and love alone it is our duty to foster its growth and nurture the feeling so that it doesn't culminate after a marriage but lasts forever. I’m not being ethical alone or not trying to sound conventional, but all said and done, an open marriage doesn't appeal to me.

Do what you feel and believe in what you do. If you think you don’t believe in the institution of marriage, never get into it. Once you believe in it and you are into it, give due regards to the relationship and the marriage,and be happy for all the blessings you have got through it, through your spouse, value your union and life will be beautiful!