Now,what is it exactly? Basically, when we want,desire for,or aim at something,we DO believe in getting or achieving it.The probability of the event happening maybe less or more. If it happens, OK, well and good. When it does not happen,there are many ways to take it up. Either as a defeat-sit and cry,or start re-building the fallen pieces or to just try to forget it. It is when we go in for the last choice, the point of ADAPTIVE PREFERENCES creeps in.
Here we will see the 2 sides of this coin. The "chi chi indha pazham pulikum" (this fruit tastes sour") attitude is a kind of escapism that we give ourselves. If we have worked so hard to get it, or dreamed so much about the event happening, how can we degrade our own thoughts and dreams just because we haven't achieved it? Does it mean we've all the way worked for something that's not worth a penny? Is it not a shame to call our dream a "sour grape"? What i try to convey is, by calling it so, we hide behind our negatives and failures and don't think about what should be done about it next. Now this aspect of the theory is bad. It is a pessimistic view.
So, what's the other side of the coin? ADAPTIVE PREFERENCES. It's the same as the SGT except for a tint of positivity.'Yes, I've not achieved this. I've not got it. I've not worked as hard as i should have, or maybe be luck wasn't my side. WHAT IS NEXT?' this question should be the triggering factor. If it's totally gone,Go in for the next alternative, work for it. Changing our preference doesn't mean we are incapable of getting our first priority. We are just switching the options and going in for the next best. Here, we see a shade of optimism. It is this optimism that should and will bring us out of the shell that we crawled into and break the wall that we have built around ourselves.
There can be a wide variety of views and opinions about this topic,but this is how personally it appears and appeals to me.
Given that one cannot belittle their dreams and aspirations. However, the second does not seem to be optimistic. It has a lot of tinges of the former, with a defeatist thrown in.
ReplyDeleteMy understanding, forgive me if I am wrong, is that the first one, we belittle what we chose, saying that the goal was not worth the effort. There is some amount of benefit in doing so, given that we are not belittling the effort, just what it was aimed at. May be we did not understand the complete implication of what the grapes meant, may be we were aiming for apples, and got grapes, I do not know. What I do know is that given that I did not reach something that I sought, I can either try again, thereby maintaining the confidence I have in my choice, or let it go.
It does not matter what I follow when I let it go. I can call it names, the "chi chi pulikum" case or make another choice, it does not matter. It still is defeatist to an extent. The second case that you mention, the one where in we are Adapting our preferences, is that not a crime too? More like, if we do not get what we want, want what we get types. Where is the your choice in it? Where is your effort? By adapting to something that is not your choice, is it not belittling that choice?
@ aditya:
ReplyDeletewelcome here. i'm happy that you have thought on these lines because even i had this opinion in the beginning.
//There is some amount of benefit in doing so, given that we are not belittling the effort, just what it was aimed at.//
// What I do know is that given that I did not reach something that I sought, I can either try again,//
this "trying again" part doesn't feature at all sometimes.If u can still follow the passion and achieve it, the sour grapes theory,and (or also called)adaptive preferences fail. i agree totally.
but at the end of the day, after all the hard work and efforts, most of the people don't try to "re-build the fallen pieces"( the second choice as i have told in the post) but just demoralize themselves,lose their hopes and end up nowhere. Under such cases, ADAPTIVE PREFERENCES do come a long way in helping them.
what's the point in just calling names and sitting without any efforts? may be, you change your preference, something that's more worthy,work towards it and change the defeat that you faced before. now that's not as big a crime as losing hopes and sitting idle!
perception differs! thanks a lot for sharing your opinion.
keep coming~!
Hey i think i read this particular blog of urs at the right moment!!I was in a big confusion and dilemma about something b4 reading your blog but after reading this it gave me a new way to handle problems in life :) Thanks to u :) u ROCK!!!!
ReplyDeleteSo accurate were your theories that and was surprised to find an article on which I wanted to write about always.
ReplyDeleteGenerally the character of a person is shaped up well if he abandons SGT and adopts a method to systematically analyze the faulty pieces to do better and not leave the scene fuming and thereby hiding the inability.
Good post.. keep it up..
@sushmi:
ReplyDeletethank you!
keep coming!
P.S. :i think i know your dilemma ;-):-p
@MAVEN....am I???
exactly! also prasaanth, i would like you to write more about this if you had already had the idea of doing so.
thanks and keep coming~
hmm...i kinda agree with you...yosikanum...
ReplyDelete@ aura:
ReplyDeletethanks. maathi yosi :)
Sometimes, path matters more than the actual destination. While trying to achieve something and not getting it, one could get very good skills just by trying. That could be useful later on, or immediately. Like what Steve Jobs pointed out - While doing his degree, he dropped out. It might have been such a disgrace to himself and his family. But dropping out on the main course helped him catch up with some calligraphy courses in the same college. He was really interested in the patterns and designs it seems. Later on, while designing the Apple computers, this skill helped him more than any technical acumen he might have gathered.
ReplyDeleteA failure at a particular point of life could end up leading to success at some other point. So, irrespective of whether the grapes are sour or not, it is the skills we aquire while trying to obtain the fruit, which will help us on the long run. To say, no effort is wasted.
Destination Infinity
@ DI:
ReplyDeletewelcome here.
learning the best lessons from the path,again,their application counts.agreed.
"if the path is beautiful,ask where it leads to.
but if the destination is beautiful,don't ask how the path is. just keep walking"
thanks. keep coming~
sindhuja