In this weird world of people getting into different kinds of relationships, the concept of open marriage got me into some thinking. An open marriage is the one in which the partners willingly agree to each others’ extra marital sexual relationships without blaming it as deception or dishonesty. It is not regarded as a gratuitous act and is seen as a freedom of thought, action and a comfortable way of acknowledging each others’ desires and need.
An open marriage includes acceptance of flirtation, date, and by extension, involvement in a sexual relationship with others by the partner. It applies equally to both the partners. It is a way of saying “We are a couple. I love you. I want to spend my life with you. But I don’t want to miss out the chances of being in love/infatuation/mere lust with someone else, just because we are committed for a life time. I would like to explore my avenues in those regards. It is mutual and I don’t mind you getting into this thought too. Let’s free ourselves from the compelling clutches of this marriage institution and lead our lives the way we want”
It is natural that we all get awestruck and marvel at some people’s beauty or intelligence or skills or some quality at some point of time. If it stops with mere admiration, regards or respect, well and good. Sometimes it doesn’t .Considering that one such person(of the opposite gender) is acquainted to you through your friends, or work-circle, or any other means and if you get to be with that person intermittently or otherwise for a period of time, and you get attracted to that person in some way or the other, you tend to get closer to that person or at least will want to. Here comes the concept-an open marriage-allows you to follow your heart and doesn’t question your fidelity if you want to get into an extra-marital relationship with that person. It goes on well as long as you feel comfortable. It comes with no strings attached and you can move on without any commitment once you are out of the craziness. But now, do you even see a point in this?
Practically, love survives on justified possessiveness and that makes love what it is. Even if the couple agree to an open marriage, It is so natural that after a period of time, the concept loses it’s initial hype and there stems out jealousy, envy, possessiveness, resentment, anger, grudge and in turn hatred. Especially if one in the pair is affected by these, and the other doesn't mind/realize, it leads to a disaster. Your spouse will surely demand undivided attention, continuous love, full-fledged intimacy, all that you initially gave and promised to give him/her for a lifetime. Failing to give which, your marriage can become grueling.
It is a special feeling to be loved selflessly and unconditionally by someone. And when we feel the same towards that someone, it becomes a bond purely based on trust, hope and love alone it is our duty to foster its growth and nurture the feeling so that it doesn't culminate after a marriage but lasts forever. I’m not being ethical alone or not trying to sound conventional, but all said and done, an open marriage doesn't appeal to me.
Do what you feel and believe in what you do. If you think you don’t believe in the institution of marriage, never get into it. Once you believe in it and you are into it, give due regards to the relationship and the marriage,and be happy for all the blessings you have got through it, through your spouse, value your union and life will be beautiful!
It has just begun. It is beautiful. It is unusually different.It is exciting. It feels special. It is nice. It is sweet.It is happiness. It is lovely. It brings a smile. It will not change.It is just that!
It gives fear. It instills responsibility. It demands enormous patience. It is time-bound.It necessitates thinking. It needs level-headed approach. It is not confirmed. It is not assurance. It should not change. It is an idea.It is a chance, a probability,in turn, a possibility. It is a wait. It is a penance, of sorts. It is a test. It is life!
So now, it is all a matter of time. Patience.
One of the soul-stirring songs i have heard is 'ANJALI ANJALI' from the movie DUET.A lot of us would have been hypnotized by the brilliance of Kadri’s sax, scintillations from S.P.B’s voice, the might of vairamuthu’s pen, and of course,the blend of Rahman's music.
It is about two men, brothers, who propose the same girl and their visions of their love.
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I still wonder if any other raga other than Maand can do this magic. After the mellifluous Sax intro, a cymbal and a bright acoustic piano join in. As he slowly expands the theme, the chords start their work and Chitra’s humming outlines the pallavi. Tempted by the sweetness, the bass guitar joins her.The theme is completed by the sax as the notes go high,followed by the piano!
The man, a singer, starts romantically, dedicating some anjalis,-flowers, songs, gold, and poetry, to his girl ANJALI. The Sax and the piano romance again.He then describes neatly, how he is immersed in this bond of love, through the fine example of the rain and the sea.
'kadalile mazhai veezhndha pin endha thuli mazhai thuli?
kaadhalil adhu pola naan kalandhitten kaadhali!'
The chords follow through and He finally says he holds her feet and cries in a high pitch, yearning for her love!
And here starts Chitra’s mesmerizing Aalaap.When we regain our senses once it's over,The girl, ANJALI explains how love has entered her soul. First through music and then through tamil(meaning, poetry). A clear expression of how the singer(music) and his Sax player brother(a poet), both have proposed to her, in that order.
‘isai vandha dhisai paarthu manam kuzhaindhen
thamizh vandha dhisai paarthu uyir kasindhen’
Ah! Of course, what else can she do, than let her heart to get carried away by music and poetry?
The flute now comes into picture along with the tabla and takes us to the smile-on-listening-mode. Now comes the turn of the second hero who loves her. Isn’t he a poet? He says there is no wonder like her, and poetically describes the effect of reciting her name.
‘anjali perai chonnen avizhndhadhu mullaiye’
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Though it’s the normal triangular love story, the music and the singer’s voice in this, take the concept of love and expression of the persons’ feelings to a greater height. Be it an-all-lights-switched-off-night, or a pleasant dew-filled morning; this song enhances the beauty of music and in turn, love.
